Milan Noelle

Yea, I said it.

I’m fully cognizant that discipline is a neutral noun and verb.

Humans give it meaning and feeling based on their culture and experiences. In and of itself, it’s not a bad thing.

How I’m seeing society engage with it in real life and especially on social media, feels unhealthy and performative to me.

Discipline gives me the ick as of late, because I used to use it as a way to punish myself. I conflated it with worthiness and deserving.

I had something to prove to others, and, sadly, myself back then. That was a dangerous way of thinking.

People are worthy whether they’re lazy or a workaholic. We’re worthy simply because we exist.

We often are perceivably lazy or overworking because we’ve forgotten or weren’t taught that worth in humans isn’t earned. That’s why inactivity NOR overactivity feel good. Neither align with just being in the energy of worthiness.

The western concept of discipline has become performative and rigid. It often holds no grace and gaslights us out of listening to ourselves.

Discipline praises individuals giving so much of their all to advancing at work and making wealthy board members wealthier, that they often don’t have much left for their family and friends or themselves.

Now I understand we all gotta eat, but to what end? Basic human needs shouldn’t even have to be worked for, but that’s another discussion for another time.

And then there’s the self improvement space. Discipline really gets thrown around a lot there.

Once upon a time, my self esteem was lower. I didn’t think who I was and my unique perspective was good enough. I began comparing myself to others and felt like my core being needed to be “fixed”.

I wasn’t assertive enough, I wasn’t extroverted enough, I wasn’t competitive enough, I wasn’t hustling enough, and, of course, I wasn’t disciplined enough.

I went on a self improvement bender. Consuming books and media on how to perform better, be more “productive”, do this or that better. And, of course, how to be more disciplined.

But being more this, more that, more disciplined was a carnivore with a bottomless stomach. That bish never got full. It was never ENOUGH!

I could never rest because something could be done “more.” And if I wasn’t striving to be and do more 24/7, what was I worthy of? What was I deserving of if I couldn’t keep pushing through all of the time?

After experiencing a chronic condition and leaving an unhealthy relationship obsessed with discipline, I said ENOUGH.

I can’t discipline myself into growing authentically. I can’t discipline myself into loving myself.

Discipline isn’t love. LOVE is love.

And at that point, I couldn’t discipline myself into healing and feeling better. The more discipline I tried to administer, the more my physical and mental health declined.

I was so focused on what I wasn’t doing enough of, I never enjoyed any moments or what I was kickin ass at.

So I broke up with discipline and replaced it with devotion.

Devotion to myself, my joy, my growth, and my wellbeing.

For me, that felt more affirming and less like punishment, pushing, judging, and shaming myself into doing better.

It felt less like performing doing well.

I just got to be well, and love myself instead of being hard on myself.

I understand that everyone’s relationship to the word isn’t the same as mine.

Maybe the word isn’t discipline for you. Maybe it’s another word.

If that’s the case, I implore you to examine it, probe it, and remove its power over you. Reframe it, rename it, or replace it.

How you care for and uplift yourself matters more than how anyone else perceives you. When we feel good about ourselves and empowered, we can create, achieve, and live more authentically, peacefully, and prosperously.