Milan Noelle

My role at my job was eliminated in April. Like most, I felt crushed and concerned. The economy is shaky, a carton of eggs is $12 here, the job market is bananas, and politicians refuse to utter or admit many of their actions and greed have put us in the r-word.

In addition to that, I wasn’t used to having so much time for myself. At first I filled my, now open, days with stuff to keep busy. I’d spend hours on hours of studying for the Project Management Professional certification exam, job hunting and applications, and doing stuff for the sake of doing it.

It felt sinful to do “nothing” or even less with all this time I had to do more stuff.

Enter August, and a stillness and boredom settles into my bones that I cannot shake [for now]. It hit me like a Mack truck, and I couldn’t handle it at first. I’m still peeling myself from off of the road.

Since April, I don’t have as much noise in my life. The calmness is loud and, sadly, uncomfortable. I was accustomed to anticipating chaos. There is no impossible work deadline to lose sleep over, no fire drill at work to raise my cortisol levels as if I were in a pit with a hungry lion, no competing priorities to stress over what to say no to or how to exhaust myself saying yes to all of them.

Healing can feel boring and uncomfortable because of the lack of noise and distraction. We get so used to being overstimulated, overwhelmed, and traumatized. We know it’s not right, but we think “that’s just life”. While life is a series of highs and lows throughout, the amount of stress humans face right now is far from normal, and it’s very harmful for our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing.

This boredom was a mirror showing me how I’d minimized and normalized my overstimulation over the years. I needed nature sounds playing all night to wind down and allow sleep to find me overnight, for crying out loud.

I’m, basically, going through overstimulation withdrawal. And the symptoms are intense. I feel lonely at times. Other times I want to cry. And other times I’m just fidgety and don’t know what to do about it. I’m crashing out and everyone else is at work. Lmao.

It’s a longer process to untangle than I thought, but the only way out is through. I’ve got to let it run its course, and it won’t be rushed.

Boredom strikes often these days, and when it does there are some things I’ve started doing to move through it.

Sit with it. Sometimes I just sit in it without judging myself, as best as I can. This isn’t always easy because it often still feels “wrong” to me. Society and many western cultures tell us we’re not deserving of anything if we’re not always working or doing something. How dare we take up space doing nothing, and just being?! A travesty.

I’m creating new neural pathways in my brain that accept that sometimes, all there is to do, is nothing. And it’s a necessary balance to working. I need both to thrive and succeed.

Take a nap. May as well while I can, right?

Do something that doesn’t involve turning on the tv or hopping on social media. Boredom sparks all kinds of creativity. During one episode of boredom last week, I finally edited and posted my YouTube video about my 6-week experiment eating for my blood type. I had been avoiding this project for weeks. I got it done in one day. I took breaks through out to rest my eyes, eat meals, stretch, and go for a walk.

I recently bought a bunch of pdf sewing patters and will be working on some projects.

Read more books. I typically read in the evenings or right before bed. If boredom strikes during the day, now I’ll pick up a book and read then for a little while.

Go play outside by doing things like going for a walk with my thoughts or while listening to a podcast or audiobook or going to the library to read a book. I receive some of my best ideas while going on walks outdoors. They ground and refresh my energy. Just changing my environment where I read a book makes a difference too.

Sometimes being inside breeds more ruminating than necessary, and I just need to get out of the house.

The month so far, I’ve been falling asleep and staying asleep without the need for manufactured nature sounds to be playing from the Amazon Echo Dot (affiliate link). My quality of sleep has improved tremendously and my nervous system is resetting.

How long will it take before my nervous system fully resets and boredom releases me from its clutches? I don’t know. But I’m moving through it, one day at a time, and allowing it to stay for as long as it will.

I’m working when it calls for it and resting, with lesser judgement, in the boredom that’s working its way out. I still have this exam to finish up preparing for (I feel like I’m back in school!), but I don’t sequester myself to study intensely or for insane amounts of hours per day. I’m doing my best to be as present for my time being all mine right now. Because it won’t always be like this. It is just the chapter that I’m in for right now.

So boredom is becoming my friend, my muse, and nervous system resetter. Every day isn’t flowers and rainbows, but most days I remember to remind myself that this is just a temporary part of the journey, and it too shall pass.