Milan Noelle

There’s an African proverb that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

I was listening to a beautifully produced song called ‘American Love Song’ by Infinity Song and Momo Boyd (listen above) recently that made me think of that quote. What I heard in the lyrics is that American core values, like independence, help us go fast, but not as far. It often costs us meaningful connection.

Over indexing on American individualism costs us the things it says we’ll be worth when we participate in it: love and happiness- going far. The song spotlights our independence coming at the expense of being able to love (and care for) each other more. This feels sad. I want more for us.

The concept of American individualism then takes it a step further, gamifying love as a reward to be competed for and won or deemed as a privilege. Ya’ll, love isn’t earned. It’s a birthright for simply existing. We’ve forgotten that and our behaviors, how we treat others, and how we treat ourselves shows it.

Deep in my thoughts, my mind went to the American glorification of independence (over interdependence) and the illusion of being “self-made”. The notion that we don’t need anyone and are more powerful and worthy if our successes are without anyone’s help. This is a huge part of why, now more than ever, Americans feel extremely lonely, stressed, sick, exhausted, overworked, depressed, anxious, hopeless, frustrated, over stimulated, and drained mentally and emotionally.

Things we’re trying to do on our own that feel like a never ending, uphill, performative battle is because they’re meant to be done in community. They’re meant to be shared and done together. We’re going against our nature and it’s hollowing us out.

The baby and the karmic bath water are being thrown out.

From my vantage point, I’m seeing many American values, not just independence that the song calls out, be turned on their head. Self interests taking priority over the love, health, and wellbeing of the collective whole, are destructive to the self interests too. We’re being reminded, how interconnected we all are. Interests and their impacts cannot be bifurcated. If one community suffers, we all will.

The American collective is at a fascinating fork in the road. Old perceptions and ways of being are being challenged. They’re not working as they used to. Illusions are collapsing.

Will we stay attached to an old story that no longer serves us? Or will we heal ourselves and reimagine a new reality that is far greater that what we had before?

I’ll never stop doing my part to foster healthy community and togetherness, freely giving and receiving authentic love and support. Engaging in a togetherness that isn’t at the expense of myself or others and fosters growth and accountability.

I hope we find our way back to each other and write a new love song.