Milan Noelle

My life without them won’t look like my life prior to them. The woman I was before I had them doesn’t exist anymore.

In December of 2021 during a routine annual GYN check up, a submucosal fibroid was discovered in my uterus. I had switched doctors because my insurance changed and it was standard procedure for this new office to do an ultrasound during annual check ups. Before then, I had never received this level of preventative care to check on my uterine health. My periods weren’t debilitating then, but I had noticed subtle changes and needed to take pain meds for the cramps. Previous doctors told me that I was fine and it was “normal” for periods to be somewhat painful and for me to bleed more during periods when over 35 years old.

Hearing the news of this discovery at a routine annual check up felt surreal. While many women around me, including my mother, experienced them it didn’t dawn on me that it could happen to me. I now know that up to 70% of women may experience them at some point in their lifetime. I spent the first couple of years just monitoring things thinking that it wouldn’t get any worse. I made adjustments to my diet, practiced cycle syncing, and researched and tried different herbs. While holistic routes helped slow the growth and lessen the intensity of my symptoms and helped many other women heal their fibroids naturally and completely, unfortunately, they didn’t stop mine from growing or shrink them.

Last year was a turning point when my symptoms worsened even more and my life was on hold one week out of each month. I was planning trips, social outings and commitments around my period. This was no way for anyone to live. I took the steps necessary for myself to get back to my best quality of life and work with specialists to understand my removal options.

The journey has been painful and illuminating. My path was meant to teach me a lot of things about life and myself, and forced me to face many of my fears. (Perhaps, I’ll do a post dedicated to talking about this some more.)

One thing I’ve learned that is part of my healing journey was imagining my life without them.

Since the discovery 4 years ago, this has been my reality and what I’ve expected to experience. Now that I’ve begun the journey to getting them removed, I’ve been consistently visualizing my life free of them. What will I being doing? Is there anything I will do differently? Will there be things I may discontinue doing? How will I be feeling?

My life without them won’t look like my life prior to them. The woman I was before I had them doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve evolved, had more lived experiences, overcome more things, grown wiser, and expanded more since then. That’s not a bad thing. It’s just tempting to think that things will be similar to a life I was familiar with and how they were before this.

None the less, this is an exciting time. I get to create a brand new reality for myself that builds off of all I’ve learned, healed and accomplished. I get to manifest a life that meets me where I’m at now. And I get to be excited about having the ability to conceive and have children in a more healthy and free state. It’s fun to think about what I want to do and how I want to once they’re gone and I’ve fully healed.

I daydream about how my new reality will feel like often. I feel excited about it. I journal about it. I’m creating a mood board to visualize the feelings so I can start to feel and embody them now. This practice has helped me a lot. My life won’t be perfect and all my life’s challenges won’t vanish into thin air instantly after these fibroids are removed, but my quality of life will be improved and I can continue living and enjoying my life in new, more healthy, and more meaningful ways.